Currently Watching She's the Man (Widescreen Edition) By Amanda Bynes, Channing Tatum, Laura Ramsey, Vinnie Jones, David Cross (II), Julie Hagerty, Robert Hoffman, Jonathan Sadowski, Alex Breckenridge, Amanda Crew, Jessica Lucas (II), Brandon Jay McLaren, Clifton MaCabe Murray, James Snyder, James Kirk, Emily Perkins, Robert Torti, Lynda Boyd, John Pyper-Ferguson, Katie Stuart see related

I had the BIGGEST reality check of my entire life on Thursday during a talk with Shelley.  Totally bizarre.

I kinda wanted to blog about it, but it's not myspace appropriate.  It could be, but I have a feeling the people that would read it wouldn't know what to think.  And sometimes it's better to keep contemplative reflection on the low.

So here is the issue.  For pretty much as long as I could remember, I've been "one of the boys".  I'm not necessarily boy-ish, I just wasn't viewed as "hot" and being an athlete, I hung out with boys as much as girls.  It wasn't weird.  It was a boys coming over at 11pm on a saturday to watch cartoon network with me kind of thing.  It didn't occur to me that that isn't how guys view me now.  And, apparently they don't.  I am as far from one of the guys as you could get in a lot of their eyes, and I just don't get it.

I could still outsprint (unless you have a lot of heighth on me, cuz that's an unfair advantage), outjump, out-pretty much anything, most guys.  I know how to change a tire, check oil, use a drill, plunge a toilet, etc.  I can do lots of "boy" things...  My love of the color pink and other girl habits are a manifestation of my rebellion of the stereotype that good athletes are manly.  As an athlete, and one of the boys, I wanted to still have my girl side.  I'd compete with ribbons in my hair.  And yes, if I'm going out, I'm going to wear heels.  But that doesn't mean I'm a different species of human.

Just because I may wear polka dots or ribbons or heels doesn't mean I can't use a beer bong like a champ.  Idk...  In some ways I'm glad to know that I was wrong about how boys view me because suddenly so much makes sense now, but it's such as HUGE surprise to me that I'm not sure how to deal with it.  It's not that there's anything that I can do, but it's hard not to be disappointed. 

It's like a vote of underestimation.  If you're one of the boys, you can be treated like a human.  The boys aren't afraid to call each other, they'll invite each other to do stuff w/o a second thought.  You in your underwear or changing clothes- not an issue.  If you're just a girl to the boys though...  It's different.  Suddenly they're not all comfortable around you, they feel the need to give you their bed if you crash at their place, physical contact is bad because "they can't handle it" or "don't want to put themselves in that position."  Suddenly you're something to be bragged about, discussed...  If you have to change clothes and you're "a girl", not only will a guy who views you that way not just turn around, they'll leave the room.  Compared to being one of the boys, it's bizarre.

When you have a personality and you're one of the boys, it's nothing notable.  If you're "a girl", and it's discovered you have a personality, or maybe just a brain, suddenly you're "cooler than hell."  Really?  Because maybe you think I'm cute you don't expect me to have a sense of humor?  Seriously?

I'm frustrated.